You said you wanted to go
I wanted but couldn’t say no
As I saw your mind was made up
There was no sense
In messing up
Your plans.
Trying to hold on
When there was no chance
Of stopping you
From moving on
I knew
My pain would only enhance.
So I have to deal
With my losses
And my empty moments
Will have to fill
With some other causes.
Memories may come in
For my rescue
I just hope they show up
When they are due.
And I hope they behave
As I would need their help
For my wounds to heal
And for my hopes to renew.
But also there is this risk
That some of them can be brisk
And create more agitation
Causing even deeper injury.
In that case
I will just ask them
To leave in a hurry.
Or I will try to shut the gates
But some of them may be
To strong and break
Any wall that I may try to build
All such attempts may be killed.
And I may just be left wide open
Which may give their pens
A chance to write
And they may decide
To make my stories even
More painful.
Or they may be gentle
Seeing my situation
They may try to rearrange
To make things look better
They may try to scatter
And hide away
Some of the events
That otherwise would be
Too harsh.
I will try to immerse
Myself in the daily routines
Doing this and that
Some of which
May actually bring back
The memories again.
But time will start to rain
And will try to wash away
All the writings and the paints
That we created
Inside our brain,
So they may look faded
May be lessening the pain.
Trying to protect
I may use my shields
To deflect
The eroding effects
Of such unstoppable downpouring.
Strong ones may survive
The weaker ones will strive
Against the roaring
With which time tends to
Drive by.
At the end
I may be able to find
Just enough left
To keep our stories alive.
Although I might have to bend
Reality just a little bit
Or I might have to pretend
That there is still something left
Between us
However real or unreal
I may not care that much,
As such fooling
May allow me to avoid the grueling
Truths
They may make things for me
Just a little bit smooth!
By –
Kris Mojag
Written in a November evening somewhere in California in 2021.